Another Ghanaian disaster! Not sure they quite captured the essence of Roger Moore and Barbara Bach in this.. Nor for that matter the car, which they got bored of drawing. The fish is good, though outrageously over sized if my memory of the film serves me correctly.
Not only can this artist not draw, but it appears that they can't spell either - look at the title again! Surely two things you would traditionally opt for in the person you chose to showcase your film release to punters.
JAMES BOLAM IS BOND.. IN 'THE SPY WHO LOVE ME' - OO7: LICENCE TO FISH.
Dear oh lordy lord, that is candidate for the worst so far Arch. Bond looks like Frank Sidebottom's evil twin brother who has been exposed to repeated radiation burn torture after attending too many acid invested 90s raves!
And that car...it looks like it should be driven by one of the moomins!
Cack factor 20000!
---> Visit the number 1 Minder site on the web: www.minder.org ---> or on YouTube: minderDOTorg
Daley & McCann are, as good as, holding hands, on the exercise yard, in the scrubs.
Some back cover blurbs can be as awful as the art work, I recall reading the back cover of a widescreen version of mad max 2 on VHS in about 1992, which said something like "..despite the efforts of the raiders, the settlers escape with the fuel, leaving Max as he started, alone and in the wasteland"
Sticking with the martial ars* theme, I thought I would showcase the cr*ptastic classic JAGUAR LIVES.
A film which has had it's fair share of terrible covers, usually due to objects being randomly removed...
Exhibit A) UK VHS.
Someone has removed Joe Lewis' saxophone.. Note: he looks like 'Face' from The A-Team crossed with Richard Madeley. Also you will see 'Karate Klassics' have endorsed this movie with the moniker of being the "Finest martial arts movie since Enter The Dragon". But on investigating further (by watching the film) one soon comes to the conclusion that: 1) No one knows who Karate Klassics are?? 2) Jaguar Lives is not the finest martial arts movie since Enter The Dragon
Exhibit B) UK CINEMA POSTER.
In this one someone has nicked the pet kestral Joe Lewis was about to pat on it's head for being a good bird. Note: he looks much meaner on this. Like maybe Christopher Lee from Scars of Dracula or something!
Exhibit C) US DVD.
In this one someone has removed Joe Lewis' towel, which he was using to dry his feet with. Checkout the pez screen shots on the back, and how none of the drawings on the cover look remotely like the cast! Note: The similarities with the fantastic, Spectrum walk along beat-em-up Target Renegade.. Hmmmm...
Target Renegade was a winner. Jaguar Lives was not!
Unlike Jaguar Lives, I'd like to now draw your attention to a really good film, that for some reason has nearly always had really bad covers or misplaced promotional artwork... Dead Of Night aka Death Dream!
To keep it short and sweet, this is a 1974 (so IMDB says! - I actually thought it was made a little earlier??) chiller by Bob 'Black Christmas' Clark, who tells the story of a young man who is thought to have been killed in Vietnam, only for him to show up at his family home days later... except when he does, he's a very changed man... Because although at first he seems fine, he soon begins to go down-hill rapidly, and as a result suddenly starts suffering from animalistic outbursts, whereby afterwards he feels the need to start shooting up with his victims' blood, in the hope that it will stop him from turning more and more inhuman and aggressive...
It's a great movie, not particularly blood thirsty, but nonetheless one that packs a very memorable punch, an American nightmare, and one I'd certainly recommend. One which somehow brings into play themes that include the dehumanisation of war, addiction, the breakdown of family, and WW Jacobs' classic horror short-story The Monkey's Paw, all rolled into one..
Unfortunately though it's suffered from a series of terrible posters and video sleeves.....
............. Lousy US VHS cover.
............... Remind you of the cinema poster for Dawn of the Dead anyone?? There's another admittedly well drawn cinema poster out there, but unfortunately although it's well drawn, it makes the film look like some spy/heist thriller!!
.......... Certainly the best cover to date, the striking US DVD from Blue Underground.
It really is a shame too because for a low budget, horror thriller.. Death Dream is a very underrated example. Like a cross between Romero's 'Martin' and Gordon Honeycombe's 'Neither The Sea Nor The Sand'. You ever want to see it, let me know...
Okay so some more quality cinema posters.. This time things get hairy with Cujo.
.......................... Top Dog!
......................... Dog's dinner! What has gone wrong with Cujo's eyes - they're all wonky!! Not only that but what's happened to Cujo's breed?? He looks more like a gigantic Cocker Spaniel.. Or should that be Cockup Spaniel? Either way I think the artist was most definitely barking up the wrong tree with this mental effort!!
What, in the name of all that is holy, is that? I mean, seriously - what the ***k??? I didn't think The Spy Who Loved Me would be topped but I think this has just done it.
I know what you mean...! 'The Spy Who Love Me' [sic], at least had recognisable stars in James Bolam and Sigourney Weaver drawn on it, even if they weren't in the movie!! But that Cujo poster is a whole new level of sick puppy!
There's more where that came from......... I'm just drip feeding the insanity!
Okay so today we aim our gun sights at the underrated Bond classic Thunderball.
A movie I really like, and one that has had some classic movie posters aimed at pulling in the punters worldwide.
So not necessarily bad posters today but interesting ones nonetheless...
Okay it doesn't say the films title, but how cool is that?! Claudine Auger, really looks like Claudine Auger.
Classic! Great poster, iconic even.
Now is where it starts going downhill though.......................
Sure, at first it looks okay, however on further inspection someone's spelt Bond's name wrong! They got the 'N' the wrong way up! Doh!! Not only that but he's gone from what looked like holding a tall tumbler of rum and coke, to what appears to be going down the route of a pint of stout.. All the bond girls too, they've been given a raw deal in this one............ Going from dainty, Euro totty in alluring bikini wear - to troll faced slatterns, twerking their wares, with their t*ts hanging out. Also interesting to note is the one underneath 'James Boud's' pint glass... She has a very strange foot. Anatomically, compared to the rest of her, it's massive!!
Finally we have the Euro Spy Feature Operation D.U.E. aka The Wacky World of James Tont aka Operation Goldsinger.. Which was the second James Tont movie.
............ Wonder where they got the idea for this poster??? In fairness it is a parody of JB. Directed by Bruno Corbucci, who's next creative output was in co-writing the spaghetti western classic Django ('66). Great poster, I like it.